Made of Flaws


Before I start, I would like to make this clear. I am fully aware that this post might receive mixed responses, but I am prepared for it and this is purely just based on my experiences…

N.B. Most of this was written two years ago.


As long as I’ve known, I’ve always been bigger than the average person around my age. Between the ages of 8-18, I was a bit chubby, but health wise,  I became overweight as soon as I hit 19. I don’t know about other people’s experiences, but being the size I was and am, didn’t and isn’t exactly something that makes me happy. And just to make it clear… it’s not because I thought I was fat or I am self conscious because I hate the way I look. People never really gave me the chance to even make my own opinion about the way I looked and still look. I get people pointing it out to me straight away and all the time. When I mean all the time. Literally, whenever I go somewhere with my family.

As long as I can remember, whenever I met someone, the first thing people would say is “Wow, you are really big!”, “Do you eat all the food at home?” or even ask my parents “Why is she so big?”, “You shouldn’t let her eat so much!”, “Don’t let her sit around!”. “Make her go to the gym!”. 

I hated going to places, like birthdays and weddings etc. Because all I would ever get is people just mocking me and insulting me. I do end up going, because I have to. I prepare myself for the comments in a way so I don’t express any anger or start crying. I was pretty good at it… most of the time. I would just smile whenever anyone said anything. But it was painful. I mean I hate eating in front of people. People just assume I eat tonnes of food and when they see my plate with less than what they expected, they start commenting on it. For everyone else, weddings and birthdays were events where they would enjoy themselves. For me, that was not the case.

Usually people just comment to me. But there have been times when people went and made fun of me to my own parents or even my siblings. I’ve seen my mum cry when she gets back home every night and I used to feel so bad. But the thing is… I shouldn’t feel like that. No one should.

I had a lot of relatives/family members be horrible to me as well. Claiming it’s for my own good. I mean ok. If you mean well, why don’t you try to say it like you mean it, instead of insulting me.  

There was this one time, where my family and I went over to stay with a relative of ours, because they invited us over. I was in one of their bedroom at that time, one of them came into the room and started telling me that they feel bad for me. The person told me I should really do something about it, because I am making everyone’s life worse by being the way I am. This person didn’t just stop there. Oh no… The person started telling me to take pills to lose weight. PILLS! 

I started telling her about how I am not going to take pills. Pills aren’t good for you etc. She gave up, but I had three more people coming up to me and telling me the same thing on the same day. I made myself clear that I am not willing to take pills. Well… That’s what I thought anyway… Did they stop there? Nope. They took me to the pharmacy and made me talk to the pharmacist. So what did the pharmacist say. He pretty much said the exact same thing I told them and he said the only way someone should try to lose weight is to exercise more and to control their diet. From that conversation you would assume, that they would say okay and move on. Oh no…no, no, no. They bought the pills and still forced me to take the pills. Just to make it clear, I didn’t take the pills!

At another relative’s house, a woman that met me for the first time, asked my dad right in front of everyone: “Why did you give birth to something like that?”. I smiled at her, but I cried the whole night. I just couldn’t believe that that question came out of her mouth. Why would anyone ask something like that? – This happened a few weeks after I started my weight loss journey…

Along the years. When I started caring about what other people had to say, I’ve noticed that I started worrying more and also putting on more weight than before. It’s easy to just spit out words, but sometimes it does affect people in all sorts of ways.

At one point, I felt like people were excluding me, purely because of the way I looked. Eventually, I started socialising less with people, because I thought people will just make stupid comments and start judging me. There were even times when I wouldn’t look at myself in the mirror.

I don’t know about you, but hearing people say those things constantly makes you react in all sorts of ways. Just imagine someone pointing your flaws out to you all the time. Would that make you feel great about yourself? 


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1.

If you find something strange about someone physically or even mentally, don’t just assume things and mock them or make them feel bad in any way. This especially applies to little kids. From my own personal experience, I’m telling you, it does no good at all! It affects them as a person and stops them from becoming the best they can be. Children will easily get self conscious, making them become less sociable and might end up with some sort of depression. Don’t get me wrong, health is important. If you are really concerned about someone’s weight/ health, then encourage them. Don’t make them feel bad about it. Don’t make them feel like they don’t have any hope anymore AND most importantly don’t give them the wrong advice!!! Take them out somewhere nice or just at home have a one to one. Just talk about it casually. If it is to do with overweight… Ask them if they want to go jogging with you or I don’t know, join a Salsa club or something. Just don’t point it out. It’s not like you pointed out something they don’t already know.

2.

Beauty comes in all shapes and sizes and I am a firm believer of that. People should accept others the way they are. Everyone has these so called flaws and I’m sure people wouldn’t want to feel attacked just because of the “flaws” they have. After all no one is perfect. This doesn’t just apply to body shapes!!! Don’t think that you are making anyone’s life worse by being the way you are. If you are worried about not finding someone that will love you no matter what, then don’t worry! The most important thing is…

love yourself, live for yourself and the people you love!

Make something out of your life. Make the people that made you feel bad, envy you!


And that’s it!

I hope this post didn’t sound too depressing! Just in case it did, here is a happy little hamster just for you :D

9foKw

Image credit: http://imgur.com/gallery/9foKw

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